Of Help And Advice
by animeloveramy
Summary: Gilbert needs some advice on how to get her to like him. His brother's useless and his friends aren't much better, but sometimes help can come in the most unlikely of places. Human AU. PruHun, GerIta and Spamano. Round three of the Hetalia romance writing contest.


**Title: Of Help And Advice **

**Rating: T **

**Pairings: Prussia/Hungary, and **

**Beta: TheophilaDonohoe**

**Warnings: bad language. Sexual talk (France is in it). AU.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Hetalia characters **

**Summary: Gilbert needs some advice on how to get her to like him. His brother's useless and his friends aren't much better, but sometimes help can come in the most unlikely of places. Human AU. PruHun, GerIta and Spamano **

"Oi, West!"

The blonde haired German looked up from the paper he had been reading to eye his overly-enthusiastic-about-everything-all-of-the-time brother.

"Ja?" he asked, looking at the albino with trepidation. There was a look in those ruby eyes he wasn't exactly sure that he liked.

"I need your advice," he replied, his expression more serious than Ludwig had ever seen him. The blonde frowned.

"Why on earth would you need _my _help?"

"Well, you have a boyfriend. I need to know how you did it."

"Pardon?"

"How you did it. I want to know how you got sweet little Feli to go out with you."

Ludwig scrunched his eyebrows together.

"You're asking _me_ for _romantic _advice?"

Gilbert paused, looking at his brother more thoroughly; taking in the newspaper, the reading glasses, kaki trousers and black vest top.

"You're right; I don't know what I was thinking," He said, before vanishing in a whirlwind of white, red and black.

Ludwig blinked, shook his head and turned back to his newspaper.

**xxx…xxx**

Francis had been in the middle of his first glass of wine of the day, sat lounging on his sofa with the television playing some random soap he wasn't truly watching when Gilbert had rushed in.

It hardly fazed him these days, but he did find it vaguely irritating.

"Franny!" the East German had cried out, acting as a very bad window as he stood in front of the television. The Frenchman had told him as such, but it had only made the albino scoff slightly.

"What is the reason for this rather unexpected visit mon cher?" Francis finally asked, causing the German to stiffen slightly.

"I need your help," he admitted. A smirk came upon the frenchman's face and he shuffled into a sitting position.

"Moi? The awesome you needs help from little old me?"

Giblert shuffled awkwardly. "Actually, you know what never mind."

"Non!" Francis called out hurriedly as Gilbert moved towards the door. "Tell me what it is you need mon ami."

Gilbert paused before eyeing him cautiously, weighing the pros and cons of asking him for help in his mind before sighing slightly and turning to look at him again.

"I need help on how to get someone to like me," he finally admitted. Francis' eyes lit up in excitement.

"You ask about amour? You have come to the right place!" he cried out, gesturing to the space beside him on the sofa. Gilbert sat tentatively on the edge. "What is it you wish to know?"

"How to get someone who hates me to like me."

Francis nodded sagely. "Ah, yes. You need to be sweet and kind, shower them with gifts. Then get them drunk and, when they have had way too much, get them into your bed and make sweet love to them. They will never forget you after that."

Gilbert considered this. "It's a nice plan…only I'd end up with concussion when I'm beaten to a pulp in the morning."

Francis coughed. "Well, oui…that has happened a couple of times…but I find that it is very much worth the pain in the morning. His sex is always so pleasurable and his moans always so loud and passionate…"

The German raised an eyebrow before getting up and walking out of the house.

**xxx…xxx**

"You're asking me to help you with your love life Gil?" Antonio asked in confusion. Gilbert nodded, feeling much more comfortable asking the third part of their trio of friends than he had been with Francis.

"Ja. You do so well with your little toy-boy; I thought you could help me!"

"I'm not his fucking toy-boy bastard!" came a shout from the kitchen where Lovino was currently making what smelt to Gilbert like Pizza. The German shrugged.

"Whatever," he yelled back before turning his attentions back onto Antonio, the Spaniard smiling widely at him.

"I'd be glad to help mi amigo~!" he chirped happily.

"Danke Toni," Gilbert replied before falling silent, waiting for the advise. When it didn't come, he frowned. "Toni?" he asked. The brunette cocked his head.

"Si?"

"So, how'd you do it?"

Antonio looked confused. "Do what?"

"Get Lovino to love you?"

The Spaniard gasped in realization. "Oh~! That~! Well, you see, I…" he paused.

"You…?"

Antonio frowned. "I don't really know amigo…"

Gilbert spluttered. "You-you _don't know_?"

He watched in disbelief as his best friend shook his head.

"But, you're from Spain, the country of passion! You have to have _something_ for me!"

"Have you tried buying them loads of presents, getting them drunk and having wild sex?" Antonio asked innocently, causing Gilbert to look at him blankly.

"No," he replied dryly. "This is so un-awesome Toni."

"Ask her out on a date, compliment her and buy her flowers," came a voice from the door. Gilbert looked around in surprise, seeing Lovino leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and a frown on his face. Unsure of what to say, Gilbert remained silent for a long moment.

"Oh, thanks Lovino," was his stunned reply. Lovino scoffed and looked away.

"Whatever bastard. I only did it because you sounded so pathetic, the both of you, trying to figure out something so simple," the Italian bit out, turning and walking swiftly out of the door with a stunted blush on his face.

Gilbert grinned, ignoring the fact that Lovino had seemed to know it was a she he had been wanting to impress when he hadn't told anyone that specific piece of information. This was going to be awesome.

**xxx…xxx**

Oddly enough, it was actually tracking down the person he had wanted to ask out that had been the real problem of the day. He had searched the whole town for her, top to bottom, before he came across her in the park, hidden between the bushes with a pair of binoculars and a camera.

"Um, Elizaveta? What are you doing?"

The brunette in question did not turn around, instead keeping her eyes on the pair of men she had been following.

"I believe it's called 'spying'," she replied, moving her binoculars slightly in order to better see what was going on through the branches of the bushes she was sat in. her new companion raised an eyebrow slightly in doubt.

"Are you sure?" Gilbert asked. "Looks a lot like 'stalking' to me."

Elizaveta finally looked round, her expression irritated. "Fine, 'stalking'. Call it what you want, I don't really care."

The man chuckled. "You're just a big pervert, aren't you?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows in amusement. She sighed.

"I prefer the term 'yoai Otaku' Gilbert."

"Ja, also known as 'a pervert of gay men'."

Elizaveta's eyes flashed. "Do you want me to hit you again? I can get hold of a frying pan very easily you know."

Gulping, Gilbert took a step backwards; his ruby eyes weary. "Nein, nein. That's quite alright danke." It wasn't like he was afraid of her or anything. He was too awesome to be afraid of Elizaveta. She glared at him for a moment longer before looking back to where the couple she had been watching had previously been.

They were gone.

"Damn it Gilbert!" she growled. "You made me loose them!"

The man scoffed slightly. "Good," he replied. She ignored him, putting her binoculars back in their protective pouch before storming away, muttering as she went. Gilbert didn't catch all she said, but it sounded something like 'what will I tell Kiku now?' and 'stupid albino'. He shook his head slightly, a small smile on his face, before trailing after her.

"What do you want, albino boy?" she asked in irritation as he fell into step next to her. Gilbert cleared his throat slightly, nervous.

"Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to do something today?"

She paused, looking at him skeptically. "Do something?"

"Ja," he relied hesitantly. "You know, like go to Costa or something."

"What, like a date?"

"…Ja,"

She eyed him, searching his expression for any sign of jest or ill will. Seeing none, she allowed herself a small smile.

"All right," was her reply, and she let out a small laugh as his eyes lit up and his fist pumped the air.

"Awesome!" he exclaimed, before offering her his arm. She took it gently, her cheeks reddening slightly as she did so. "You look very pretty when you blush."

Her blush deepened at his words and she smiled widely. "Thank you."

Gilbert grinned at his success, thanking Lovino silently with everything under the sun. Who knew the grumpy Italian could be so good with romantic advise. And then it hit him.

Lovino was Italian!

**oxo…oxo**

**Fail ending is fail.**

**Like, really fail.**

**Dear readers,**

**So, anyway, this is my round three entry for the Hetalia romance writing contest. I'm…not really sure what this is, only that I had NO inspiration for it at all. None. Nada. Zip. But, somehow, this managed to come about. I don't really like it. In fact, I don't like it at all, but it had to be written so at least I wouldn't be disqualified for not having an entry. **

***sigh***

**Either way, I hope you enjoyed it. **

**Animeloveramy **


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